Ha! You have to read the reviews on this product… hilarious!
The product is this sugar free, gummy bear candy, which apparently is the strongest laxative known to man… in fruity flavors and colors – and at about $10 per pound.
BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn’t stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.
But wait; there’s more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.
I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.
Wow. NOT on my wishlist!
After work yesterday, I got two lights on the dash of the BMW (E90): “Low Tire” and “Service Engine Soon.”
I’ve seen the low tire one a few times before and it was really cold out, explaining why that happened. The service engine soon light was on again. It had been on and off intermittently the last week or so. With that one, I figured I needed to go the the auto parts store and borrow the computer you need to plug into your car and see what the issue was and then go to the BMW dealer for an expensive repair.
Well, I was able to solve both problems (it seems) last night.
What I Did
I put the car in the garage and figured I’d check the tires later after dinner. The garage in my condo is heated, which is nice. I figured I’d let the car warm up (and let me warm up) before I tackled that project. I knew the tires would warm up, so I might need to do this again soon but oh well.
I finally got back downstairs and checked the pressure in the tires (I have a nice tire gauge that I really like – non-digital). It looked like 3 of the 4 were a little low. I have this little air compressor that you plug into the cigarette lighter, so I plugged that in. I figured I better start the car or else, after a few minutes, it would die since the car likes to turn that stuff off after a few minutes if the car isn’t running.
I had a USB plug (Belkin) that I bought like a week ago in the cigarette lighter. I liked that one because it was really shallow (low profile) and wouldn’t require me to have the arm rest open when wanting to plug it into my iPhone. I unplugged that and plugged in the air compressor and started the car. Starting the car made the compressor run better and stronger anyway.
After 2 of the 3 tires that needed air, the low tire light/indicator on the dash was still on. I got to the third one (passenger front) and it got up to 32 or 36 or whatever and then the light went off. I set the pressure on that tire and then I was done. This little compressor took a while but it worked and I was warm, so I didn’t care if it was slow.
I packed up the compressor and checked the dash and the service engine soon light was off. It then sort of came together – I think that Belkin USB plug in the cigarette lighter was somehow causing that light to come on. It was weird but the timeline worked. I was getting that light on since I bought that thing and now it was unplugged and it’s off. Weird. It was off this morning and has since stayed off – so easy fix, thank God.
UPDATE [12/12/13]: The light came on again yesterday but then it went off. I stopped in at BMW and he said they couldn’t do anything quickly since the light wasn’t on anymore. I’d have to schedule a diagnostic. His first thought was a loose gas cap, which I actually thought of right away and checked a while back. So it’s not the USB thing. I did, however, get gas yesterday and since then, the light’s been off. I wonder if it has something to do with it being cold out and the gas tank not being full. Maybe I’ll throw some Iso-Heet in it in case there’s too much moisture in the tank or something.
UPDATE [01/22/14]: The light came on yet again, so I tried loosening and tightening the gas cap a few times and that did nothing. Next, I added some octane booster to the gas and now that light’s off. I think I used silver/mid-grade gas instead of the gold/premium a few times and maybe that made the car complain… and this totally sounds like a BMW thing.
UPDATE [04/10/14]: Well, I got this fixed about a month ago now. BMWs now have these plastic headers and the vent was getting stuck – probably because of the cold weather. My mechanic ordered a new header for the engine and as he took the old one out, he found a loose piece of plastic in there (picture below) that would block the intake vents once in a while. That’s why turning off the car seemed to help. It was an expensive repair – one that I hope BMW does a recall on.
The strange thing was that the dealer instantly said that there were not parts available (not even in the country) – this is because they knew that this part was hardly ever replaced. I don’t know if they lied to me or didn’t check but my mechanic said that he can get one in a few days. The dealer then called back and said that the headers were available and they were surprised – my mechanic was surprised, too. So maybe there are a lot of headers in stock because everyone’s having this problem – again, please do a recall as this was NOT cheap!
Last week we had our ski camp at Loveland. They had a lot more runs open this year than last year as it looks like an excellent start to the ski season in Colorado.
I stayed out in Breckenridge, CO, which is about a half hour southwest of Loveland through Frisco. My brother has a timeshare he let us use and we stayed at the same place as last year, which is a nice condo. There were 4 of us guys there: Don, Fred, Paul and I. We’d eat breakfast there, ski all day, get dinner, hit the hot tub and then go to sleep basically… not a bad little schedule.
We’d meet at 8:30am at Loveland, have a meeting and get on the snow shortly after 9 usually. There were about 12 of us. Unfortunately, there were 2 people that got hit by snowboarders – Don and John. John got hit worse but it sounds like he’s recovering. It’s usually kind of dangerous skiing at any place that just opened for the season as many people aren’t used to skiing and snowboarding.
Here are some pictures with some descriptions – enjoy!
I stopped in at Chipotle last night on Halloween and got a nice treat.
I ordered my usual 3 hard shell chicken tacos with pico and gave her a $10 to pay for it and I got $7 back. I thought they made a mistake, so I mentioned it and she said, “Nope, just look at your receipt” so I did:
They charged me for a “Chicken Boorito” that was just $3 – nice! At the bottom, it says: “This Halloween, come into any Chipotle dressed in costume and you’ll score a $3 burrito.” so apparently me dressed as myself was scary enough.
[UPDATE - 01/28/14:] I found this great article about Chipotle that you might enjoy:
15 Things You Didn’t Know About Chipotle (huffingtonpost.com)
Al an I went to the Packers game on Sunday and I ran down when the Packers scored and kicked the field goal. This image shows where I am – above the “4″ in “40″ on the clock in a green coat:
And then click on this one to see the full image / zoom in: